1. The night I spent four hours making dog bows. Granted it was a Wednesday in the summer aka TV Wasteland, and I was using Chanel ribbon, but still a possible red flag. Actually, the fact that I was using Chanel ribbon to make dog bows is even more of a red flag.
2. One time I returned to LA after a long visit to Knoxville and my UPS man check up on me because he had nothing to deliver in weeks. This was alarming for several reasons.
- My UPS man is the person checking up on me when I go missing. I know I wasn’t actually missing, but if I was, how sad would it be if Nancy Grace reported that it was the UPS man who first noticed my disappearance.
- I had a brief, yet very real, thought about asking for his contact information so he could become my local “in case of emergency” contact.
- How bad is your online shopping when your UPS man knows when you are away??? I blame Amazon Prime and Gilt. And EBay and Kate Spade Secret Sales.
4. My fondness for my maintenance man. I even asked him about his retirement plans. I think our time lines sync perfectly, so that when I am ready to buy a house, he’ll be ready to retire…. in my guesthouse. He seemed totally cool with this idea. To be fair, I’m not entirely sure he understands me, but he smiled a lot.
5. My habit of walking Maddie while in my robe. At first I thought, if anything, people might think that I have a very Hugh Hefner type lifestyle. Until I saw the resident crazy lady walking her dog in her moo moo and I started to worry. I’m still not sure what one is supposed to wear in the early morning/evening to fight a chill while walking his or her dog. Some might say a jacket, but a jacket with pajamas, that just seems silly.
6. Any time I go to the grocery store at night on the weekends and am surrounded by college students. My Raisin Brain next to their Natty Light on the checkout line makes me sad for both of us. And the Future of America, but that's a whole another story.
7. I bought a gorgeous new TV recently and right before I could drive off into the sunset with Sony, the Best Buy guy asked, “You do have someone to help you unload this right?” Finding this to be a Beyoncé “Single Ladies” Feminist type moment, I lied and said “Of, course.” It turns out that the two-person icon on the box was not merely a suggestion, but a requirement. The night ended with me covered in bruises and asking out loud “God, why don’t you want me to have nice things?” I later got help and I am happy to say Sony and I have had many fond nights together. That sentence itself could be another reason.
8. And finally, the fact that I spent two hours last night making/photographing Maddie’s "Arrow" Themed Halloween Costume.
So maybe it is a lost cause. Maybe I am destined to be a crazy cat lady walking Maddie in my robe. But as my fellow Cat lady soul sister Taylor would say, “I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake. I shake it off, I shake it off.”