Here are The Five Ways I wasted time this Year.
I’m not tagging gang symbols around LA or leaving Instagram inspiration for LA hipsters, but ever since I discovered gold spray paint on Amazon, no home décor accessory is safe. It’s shocking that Maddie will end 2015 without a gold streak from residual bystanding.
Like mothers who limit internet time for their children, I restrict my Buzzfeed usage. Mostly because if I did not, this list would not be a list. It simply would be one activity: Buzzfeed quizzes. Yet, they have provided me with some useful information.
I would last less than twenty-four hours in a zombie apocalypse, which I support. Apparently, I am Mulan. I guess I am not part mermaid like I thought. I am not gonna lie, that one hurt. I am, though, getting an +A in life which made up for the soul crushing Ariel dream killer result. Buzzfeed quizzes have sort of filled the void of standardized testing since I left school. I give them way too much weight, try to figure out the pattern, only to retake them until I’m pleased with my results. Not sure if getting an A+ in life according to Buzzfeed is resumé worthy, but maybe under special skills?
I am obsessed with Arrow, so October 7th, the season four premiere, was marked in red pen on my calendar like any other good Olicity shipper. But one quick grave scene at the end of the episode has stolen more of my time due to pure anxiety. At this point, I am softly murmuring in my sleep, “who’s in the grave?” I put off writer’s block by quickly typing in “Arrow and grave” into Twitter. Now, I can rattle off facts about Jewish stones, Oliver’s emotional state, Barry’s presence or the the most concrete evidence of all, my mom’s opinion. I think she might have a recording at this point that she just plays, “they aren’t gonna kill off Felicity.”
No, I don’t mean watching the show, that’s merely the bare bones basics, like attending class in college. I am talking about the required reading outside of class like following Lamar Watch 2015, Diane Sawyer specials, Vanity Fair covers, hating douchebag cheating Scott followed by supporting rehab Scott and watching Kyle’s face slowly inflate before our eyes. Ironically, I originally started the year off by deleting them off my DVR only to complete my PhD in all things Kardashian. Maybe, it’s like being caught in a riptide, the worst thing is to fight it. Instead, in 2016, I should save my energy, stop fighting it and accept the fact that if it’s Sunday you know I’m watching E! But Saint West?!?!? I have to fight that right?
For me, the first Google search is like the first shot of the night and the internet becomes a bar without last call. I start the night watching an ESPN "30 for 30" about the Oakland Raiders leaving Los Angeles and I finish the night knowing the most gang affiliated professional sports team logos. Lids selling so many Cincinnati Reds hats makes a lot more sense now. Or maybe it starts with my finger nail looking a bit funky. A quick WebMD search starts harmless enough, but by the end the night I have three possible life threating diseases.